By Voldemort Bailey
Coroner William MacMahonmahon or “Bog Willy” to his friends has described the death of a geriatric woman in a
Mary Wonka died after falling off a trolley in the Accident and Emergency (A & E) department of the
Mrs Wonka, aged too old, was initially admitted to “the kip with the needles”, as Reilly preferred to call it, with scutters and pukin’ before the tragic accident occurred on May 13.
Her daughter, Mrs Therese Bin Jabber remarked; “My poor Mother died alone and in pain”, adding that she “brought her to hospital to be helped, instead she ended up in the morgue.”
Ms Bin Jabber, aged 44, a weightwatchers attendee, has been earmarked as the real reason her mother is now dead. Ms Bin Jabber was informed of her mother’s death over a bin in the local “Subway”. It is reported Bin Jabber went for the Southwest sauce, but declined a meal deal on the basis of inadequate Coke.
The post-mortem conducted by William MacMahonmahon gave the cause of the elderly woman’s death as a fracture in Mrs Wonka’s skull resulting from being far too old.
All of the jury in yesterday’s official inquest reached a verdict of the death being entirely Ms Bin Jabber's fault.
A junior doctor tried and failed to resuscitate Mrs Wonka after she was found lying between her daughter's discarded "Moro" wrappers and the wall in the Accident and Emergency ward of the hospital on the night of the 13th at 8.05pm.
Darth Vader, the HSE health and safety director for the Mid-Western region stated that the Health Service Executive “investigated this incident fully” and that the HSE were “satisfied there was no breach of health and safety on the day in question, but still convinced that it was the fat bitches' fault.”
The coroner William McMahonMahon also extended his sympathies to Mrs Wonka’s family in a statement after the inquest into her death as a result of a lard-ass daughter was heard yesterday.
